Our time together was brief, but in the space of moments we shared a comradery that is only possible between people whose paths are understood by each other. Within moments we became joined as brothers and sisters; they were beautiful moments as such moments always are. We spoke the loneliness of the road and the feeling of existing by the force of our own will alone.
As wanderers, all that is in front of us is a long road with many branches and no signs or guarantees. We carry no map and do not know where the road was going to take us. The regular maps that people use to take them through relationships and careers and life have failed us, so we have discarded them.
Wanting nothing more than to travel to interesting places and put ourselves into wholly unfamiliar situations, we’ve thrown ourselves into the world with the faith that somehow the world will look after us. We want only to meet new people and explore new perspectives. We are drawn by inspiration and consoled by faith. We are the dreamers and the chronically disappointed. We are the ones who seek… and seek… and seek. We are the Diogenes’ wandering with our lamps in search of an honest man. We are the Socrates’ with questions but no answers. We are the Hindu sages saying: “Not this, not this.”
Through our endless wanderings without meaning, playing the roles of neither monk nor householder, we have lost our homes. We have pulled our own roots from the ground and now we must wander, we must seek, we must keep moving. Finding is not really an option anymore. We know that our minds cannot be restrained. We have followed many paths and practiced many techniques and we know that all are good, all have their place, but we again move on. So long as the questions remain and the possibilities never cease, we must continue on our way singing quietly to ourselves the refrain: “Not this, not that.”
We have certainly considered this and that: becoming a householder or a monk. We feel the pain of not being able to commit in either direction. We have have shattered the bonds that restrain the householder, but we are helpless to the bonds of lust. We cannot shake our desire for sex and the emotional experience that accompanies it. So when personal love comes along we once again start to fret about the future and wonder if maybe there are not some way to overcome the purgatory of a wanderers life.
I have met many seekers who thought they had found something, and I feel great warmth in my heart when I hear such stories, but always there is a prelude of doubt and a refrain about the loss of possibility. I feel this doubt myself when I think I have possibly found something, but I forge ahead thinking that the struggle with these feeling will be good for me; that even if love is not forever, there is, none-the-less, a great lesson to be learned with each new love.
Commitment is a difficult thing for a seeker. We want to be prepared to look around any corner at any time; to explore any possibility that comes our way. In commitment we feel as though we are locked in one place, in one mode of behavior and one way of thinking. How can we possibly make any plan when we don’t know where we or our mind will be in the future? When change and the unpredictability of the future is all that we know, how can we expect anything from the future.
An endless stream of possibilities is always acting on ourselves personally and on the world we depend on. Without a moments notice any change can take place and we have accepted this as the natural order of things. This expectation of change is what rules us. We scoff at the words “forever” and “always”.
But in way it is this very thing we are searching for. We lost souls who have freed ourselves to search for ourselves are looking for some permanence within ourselves. We know that this self can only be found in the stillness of our minds, but we are a restless lot in our search for treasures of the soul; for this treasure we cast aside even the elusive treasures of the heart. We are looking for the philosophers stone and all else is merely distraction.
We are a daring group of people whose zest for life is unmatched. We are not afraid of the unknown and we know that it is our own perceptions that bring form and function to the world around us. And most importantly, we do not allow the world around us to determine our thoughts and emotions. We feel what we want to feel, and most often that feeling is love, joy and union. But neither are we bound to such flowery thoughts and feeling; we accept it all and don’t even let sadness get us down.
Our wandering is our penance for desiring permanence: a purposeless task that ensure only that we are exhausted by the end of the day. We have no place to be and nothing to do so we wander. On the road, alone, without sharing culture or language with anyone around forces us to go withing; to wander within ourselves. We know that in the end, every mans fate is the same and in knowing this we are free.
So my dear fellow travelers, mighty wanders of the soul, know too that you have inspired me with your every word and every silence, through your action and your stillness. Your pain, your joy, your hopes, your desires and your fears are all my own. I have been touched by your influence and I now share your fate. Thank you,
May you have peace in your hearts